Perspective. It's different.

I was driving home recently with my two little ones in the car, and we were talking about everything we were seeing out the windows along our route.  I kept pointing things out ahead of me ("hey guys - look at those horses!", "wow - that's a cool tree") and one or both of them would say "Where, Mommy?" or "I don't see it!".  After a few minutes of this, I was starting to get frustrated...why couldn't they see what I was seeing?! It was all right in front of us - surely it wasn't that hard for them to get it?

But of course they didn't.  Because they had a totally different point of view than me.  I could see straight out the windshield up ahead and their perspective from the back seat was more about what was rolling past them beside the car. And I realized that as my frustration grew, so did my negative reaction. The game we were playing was no longer fun and I just wanted to be done with it.

And then I had an "aha" moment...this is what we do at work with our co-workers, employees and leaders.  It's what we do with our partner at home.  With our kids.  With our clients. With our service providers and healthcare providers and best friends and the guy who honks loudly at us on the street.  All. The. Time.  We get so wrapped up in our own perspective that we fail to understand that someone else's point of view may be totally different, not necessarily because they are being stubborn or don't want to agree with us...simply because they just see it differently.  And then we shut down.

When their view out the window reveals trees and ours allows us to see the entire forest, of course we are going to have a difference in what we understand, how we understand it and what we want to do with that perspective.

The results of our varying points of view and our inability to recognize them can range from simple misunderstandings to full-blown breakdowns in relationships and productivity. Think about it. How many times did something not go the way you expected between you and another person? Is it possible that many of those times, it was less about the action, decision or words and more about not having the other person's view? The loss of a piece of business you were convinced you sold or a candidate turning down a competitive job offer might be based on perspective - theirs, not yours.  Same with that project you were working on that fell apart in the final days or the conversation with your boss about your performance...different perspectives can cause more than just a little frustration.

So how do we break out of this cycle to become more open to someone else's viewpoint and ultimately to win the moment, the project, the day and the relationship?

Here are my 5 steps to improving your perspective in relationship to someone else's. 

1.  Start with a step back. Literally.  When you start to feel frustrated that someone else isn't seeing what you're seeing, change your view. Step away from your current position to broaden your line of sight. Get up from your chair, back up a few steps or move sideways. You will immediately see more and in doing so, can change the focus of the conversation.

2. Acknowledge the difference. Put your current conversation on pause for a moment, and let the other person know that you think there is a difference in focus or point of view which should be discussed. Sometimes, the simple act of putting the thing that is creating discord on the table can resolve the frustration or disagreement. 

3. Ask a question. Seek to understand what that other perspective involves and why it exists. Asking open-ended questions (why, what and how) not only lets someone know you care about their thoughts, but will also give you insight into what they are thinking and why.

4. Give a little. Acknowledging that the other person's perspective has value and that there is merit and possibility within it goes a long way to achieving agreement and ultimately, a positive outcome.  Saying "I see what you mean" or "Ok, now I understand why that might work" is an engaging way to change the dynamic of the conversation. You aren't giving in, but you are creating a more open environment for collaboration.

5. Do something different. Sometimes the easiest way to resolve a difference in perspective is to change what you're doing that is creating the issue. Put the current topic aside and talk about something else, or agree to part ways and come back later. If it's something that needs resolution or action immediately, doing something different could mean just changing how you're talking about the situation - bring in another person to moderate or ask the individual you're interacting with if they're willing to move to different room.

At the end of the day, multiple perspectives have a ton of value.  When we see things from different viewpoints, we gain new insight and obtain important details that we didn't previously have. We make others feel good as well, because we acknowledge that someone else's opinion or view matters.  And, well, when we're all in a good mood, things are just likely to go better, aren't they? 

That's what I'll be doing the next time I'm in the car with my littles...remembering that what they see is different from me, and having fun looking at things from their perspective. I have no doubt I'll be seeing a whole new world!

5 Things All College Seniors Need to Know. Before. It’s. Too. Late.

We’re almost at the end of another year.  You’ve probably just spent lots of time giving thanks and eating too much pie, and we’re heading right into the gift-giving, gift-getting and gift-returning season.  After that comes champagne, silly hats and that inimitable song about not forgetting old acquaintances. 

If you’re a college senior or in the final stages of your MBA or master’s degree, the end of the year also means there’s only a few months left until graduation…quickly followed by one of the most important milestones of your life- the Career Launch. The job search process (which you’ve hopefully already started!) is time consuming, tedious and can be pretty confusing.  Luckily, most colleges and universities have excellent Career Services offices, replete with expert staff, resumé reviewers, interviewing skills workshops and company profiles galore.  If you haven’t yet stepped foot inside that office, stop reading this right now and get there immediately!   But as the end of the year arrives, you would also do well to heed one of the verses buried deep in that traditional end-of-year ditty, “And there’s a hand my trusty friend! And give me a hand o’ thine!” 

Talk to anyone who graduated in the last 5, 15 or 50 years and they’ll likely tell you that the most impactful and important career moves they made were the product of relationships and networking.  As you launch your career, you will meet, work with and work for hundreds and hundreds of people, many of whom will remain close colleagues and friends for life.  Those individuals will ultimately become your professional network and the best resource when you need or want to make a job move or career change.  At the moment, though, when you need to find your best “first” job so that you can launch a successful career, your current network is also a critical part of your efforts, and one you shouldn’t overlook. 

Conducting your job search while in school can be frustrating.  You’re gaining all sorts of great knowledge from your classes, team projects and professors but you probably have little “real world” experience, which is what most employers are looking for.  But you can’t get that real world experience until you get out of college to start a full-time job!  Below are five things you can do (starting now!) to augment your job search, improve your odds and find a work experience that is the right fit for you.

5.  Sign up for LinkedIn.  LinkedIn is a powerful social media tool for professionals and can give you all sorts of insight into people, companies and industries that you might not get otherwise.  Once you’re logged in, build your network by requesting connections to friends, former co-workers and peers, research companies you’re interested in and start following thought leaders through LinkedIn Pulse.  You’ll be amazed by how many people you get connected to quite quickly, and that online professional social network will stay with you throughout your career.

4.  Get out of your (comfort) zone.  Ask your friends and co-workers who they know at companies that interest you.  You might be surprised to find that your sophomore roommate’s mother is CIO at that marketing firm you want to interview with.  While asking for a job outright is a no-no, more seasoned professionals typically welcome the opportunity to share their insight into a company and its culture.  Obviously, you should approach any introduction to someone new with respect, courtesy and a healthy dose of humility but don’t be afraid to take a leap to meet someone new. 

3.  Use your school’s alumni network.  Every college and university has an extensive base of alumni in many industries and geographies across the globe and you can often gain direct access through your career-counseling department or alumni affairs office.  These are folks who have something significant in common with you and many of them truly enjoy ‘paying it forward’.  This is a great way to gain knowledge about an industry or organization that you’re curious about, as alums are often willing to spend a little more time talking to you than they might to someone unknown who calls from out of the blue.  Develop a ‘pitch’ email and voicemail message that briefly and succinctly introduces yourself and requests a connection.  Keep in mind, this is not a way to request a job offer – you are simply extending your network by introducing yourself to new people and your only ‘ask’ should be a quick conversation to learn more about the type of work this person does.   If you can, search by location, industry or title; it will help you find individuals who do the kind of work that interests you. 

2.  Stay away from the text message.  No, really.  Stay away. Texting is a fantastic way to catch up quickly with a friend, tell your mom you love her and set the meeting place for your project team.  It’s NOT how you should make new connections for your network.  Regardless of whether your best friend has told you to contact his uncle for an intro or you’re connecting to your manager’s boss from your internship two years ago, pick up the phone - or at least send an email.  It’s more personal, it’s more professional and there’s a lot less room for error!  Just think of how many times you’ve sent a text you had to apologize for or said ‘LOL’ because of Autocorrect!  You don’t want that to be the first impression a potential boss has of you, do you?!

1.  Don’t stop networking.  Ever.  Everywhere you go from now on, you have an opportunity (and an obligation to yourself) to network.  Think of your professional network as an extended group of friends who you will help for years to come, and who will also do you a few favors now and then.  The beauty of a large network is that it opens doors for you to learn, grow, meet new people and build your career as far and wide as you want it to go.  Whether at an employee meeting, in the line at your neighborhood coffee shop, or checking out vendors at a conference, get contact info and then request a LinkedIn connection or send a ‘Nice to meet you’ email.  Something as simple as a new connection from an unexpected source has landed many people their dream job. 

There are so many things to think about as you secure your best ‘first job’ out of college.  When you’re doing a year-end review of your job search and checking your list (twice, of course), don’t neglect your network.  Remember what the song says, “And there’s a hand my trusty friend! And give me a hand o’ thine!”.  Building your network now has infinite benefits.  Guaranteed, it will serve you well – today, tomorrow and over many years to come as you grow your career – and grow your life.